The LOVE/HATE Relationship

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The reason I HATE autism is……..

  1. the BOY has it – that’s right I said it. I would be so much happier if the BOY didn’t have this damn autism thing so the GIRL, the BOY and I could live a somewhat normal life.
  2. it is so darn rigid most of the time- yes, I hate that the GIRL and I have to do things that have become normal to us that really isn’t normal because we know that it helps with not having to deal with hours of meltdowns and house destruction.
  3. we don’t always get to do the things we want to do – yeah, I know that’s life you can say, but put yourself in my fur for a couple of days and then come back and tell me about it. There are many things that the GIRL and I would like to do but we don’t because the BOY just wouldn’t be able to handle them or he would be so over the top that it wouldn’t be worth it.
  4. many times it takes the total enjoyment out of what you are doing. Sometimes things can be going along great and then all of a sudden we miss that antecedent (the thing that happens before he blows) and BOOYAH we got a MAJOR meltdown on our hands. Day ruined.
  5. there really isn’t crap out there as far as support for adults. I mean in my conversations with the GIRL, everyone works so darn hard with them when they are little and as they age the work put into them becomes less and less. If you don’t have money…forget it you can’t afford squat because you need to pay for respite (just a fancy word for baby-sitter) for 40 hours week while you work (yup almost your whole paycheck). I understand plasticity and all of that crap, but WTF everyone grows up and needs a job or something to occupy their time.
  6. people are always staring and making clicking sounds with their tongues of disapproval and shaking their heads like it is disgusting. I know the GIRL says she could give a crap less about these ignorant people but truth be told it starts to feel like a knife jabbing at you and going a little deeper every time. Sometimes when I see someone staring, I would like tell them that we are paying 1K for a week to stay with the BOY, or to tell them yeah I overdosed him with medication this morning.
  7. there is ALWAYS more paperwork to do. I’m begging for doodle hugs, but no the GIRL is too busy filling out paperwork. She says it started before he was diagnosed and she shows me cabinets of paperwork from the BOY. They ask the same damn questions over and over and over and over…..hey maybe they have autism……………….
  8. the pressure it always puts on the GIRL to have to make those final decisions about the BOY life. The GIRL always asks G-D why she is the one to have to make these decisions. She is never comfortable making life long decisions for someone. She has always been somewhat of a free spirit and believes strongly that everyone has choices and she never wants to make the wrong choice for the BOY.
  9. regardless how many people you know in your circle of support you still always feel you stand alone. You feel like a cast away stuffed bear. from your childhood, in the middle of the night, always looking and seeking that extra support and walking through life like you are on top of an giant egg that may crack at any time and worried….. worried what if you die…where will the BOY go….what will happen then.
  10. if it is your only child, as the BOY, and you love children, that you will never know the blissful joy of holding a grandchild and being called bubba (grandma). Oh yeah the GIRL has lots of issues with this. SHE LOVES babies and would love to have a household of them calling her BUBBA, but the reality is she never will.

Things I Love about autism is….

  1. it doesn’t lie. The GIRL told me this and I am not sure if you know that lying is a complex social skill, so most kiddos with autism don’t lie. That’s right they tell it like it is.
  2. it’s kind, sweet and loving. The BOY is the most caring individual you could ever meet (when he’s not having a meltdown). He always gives people the nicest compliments. He does not discriminate if they are tall, short, fat, ugly, black, white, or what their faith is, he is kind. People are people to him. He is kind to all and the GIRL and I truly believe that kindness can change a life forever…..
  3. it changes the people who live day-in and day-out with it. It makes them stronger, more supportive caring people. The most important thing is it teaches them the pure importance to appreciate the smallest triumphs in life, something so many stumble right over every day.
  4. the people that the GIRL and I meet everyday are just awesome people and typically we find that the world is kind.
  5. it teaches us all every moment to NEVER and I mean NEVER underestimate what someone’s ability may be regardless what silly label has been placed with them. We all have abilities….just give them time to bloom.

 

Well apparently I hate autism more than I love it………….. I’d like to take a big flipping bite out of it….oh well I need to go lift my leg on some trees and sniff out that raccoon that’s been hanging near my stuff.

Support autism peace hugs love a doodle.

Talk to The Doodle

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