Shame Shouldn’t Be a Word


Oh the Shame of it all. I feel I should hang my head and never, ever, look up again. I am a failure. I will never be anything.
I have been laying around mopping for days, weeks and probably more, but heck I have no idea about time.

How can I possibly tell them I have failed?
Doodle thoughts like this have been going through my mind night and day. The GIRL still continues to love and hug me and the BOY is always happy when I am at his feet and doesn’t want me out of his sight, but all my other canine friends are making fun.

I have not failed I am the Autism DOODLE of this house. I am king. I will triumph. I have a BOY and a GIRL who truly LOVE me and gosh I just adore them.
I AM NOT A FAILURE no matter what any test says or who cares about the little mistakes I made. I AM KING OF THE DOODLES, well at least in the house of the BOY and the GIRL.
So, I might as well tell you. I didn’t pass my service dog training. I was a reject. So what if I did a couple of things wrong.
You see as a service dog you are supposed to focus on your handler at all times, and well um…. I just seemed to drift off at times stuck in my own doodle world thinking about Ella. Yeah Ella, she’s the little French girl that lives across the street. She drives me wild. When I am home I stare out the window across the street and literally drool and whine when I see her. She’s beautiful. She stands about 11 inches high, hair of black with a little gray speckled in it, and usually bows on each side of her head. When she walks, she………see here I go again. ELLA….oh how I love her. I just know that someday she will see me as I am and how much I adore her. Yes, I know she loathes me at the moment but someday…….
As a service dog you should also lay quietly under a table or beside your handler’s chair. I tried, I really tried, but it was so uncomfortable there. I felt like a toad squashed in a box without air, and one day I just jumped up and well need I say more. The entire table turned and the BOY screamed and the GIRL about had a heart attack. She really needs to relax. It was just a little mess, some broken glasses and food on the floor. Driving home the GIRL mentioned we were never returning there. I thought they were rather happy, everyone came running to us and they all seemed to be overjoyed. Sometimes it’s just hard for a DOODLE to understand all of those human expressions.
Another weird thing is I was supposed to NEVER pick food or objects from the floor or STEAL. OK, you know the saying, “you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t,” well that’s the problem here. Alright I get it now maybe I shouldn’t have help that woman count her calories and eat that piece of bacon right off her plate. Can I help it that I am that tall and my head goes right over the table and that delicious fat dripping piece of bacon was right on the edge of her plate. NO, I couldn’t. It was delectable. I can still taste that piece of greasy pork sliding down my throat and I can still see her face of shock. She was not happy. The GIRL was very upset with me and the BOY I have to dig him. He just didn’t care. It didn’t matter to him. I love that BOY. Things that bother everyone else in society he could care less about. OK strike number 2. DOODLEs should not eat off of others plates. How the heck was I supposed to know.
As a service dot you are NOT supposed to whine, growl or make any noise. Well what the heck do they want? I’m A DOODLE….A DOG…yes, I am. It’s the only way I can communicate. Strike number 42 for passing. Oh, you know what I don’t give a damn. So I growled at the old lady with that big damn bag dangling back and forth and I snapped at the man carrying the big box. He scared the crap out of me what was I supposed to do? I’m only a DOODLE.
The GIRL continues to remind me every day that I am good. I never Kvetsh (complain). I am always happy to see my family and I always take care of them. The GIRL says Failure is as valuable as success, whatever the heck that means, but it sounds good to me I think.
The GIRL always reminds me that none of us are absolutely perfect and that all of us regardless of our abilities or disabilities have strengths. I love the GIRL. She reminds me every day that the reason I do so well with the BOY is I truly understand him.
Being a service dog or a perfect BOY or GIRL is not the only things that matter in the world. We are all who we are, just the way we are and other humans need to start understanding and respecting each for their own unique qualities, and them maybe…..just maybe, someday this world would be a beautiful place to live for ALL.
I will not hold my head in shame. I am the DOODLE….the AUTISM DOODLE that is and I LOVE being me. According to the GIRL Shame should not be a word…and I bark here to tell you she is correct!

2 thoughts on “Shame Shouldn’t Be a Word

    • Hello Elephant, yes, I was gone for some time but trying to come back. So glad you found me again. I hope you are well Ellie my friend. We have gone through a lot of changes and feel we are starting over. Love hugs and peace.


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