Autism Wears Blue Suede Shoes

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So you think you should be wearing these blue shoes of mine do you? I’ll gladly allow you to put them on if you feel you need them.

I’m sure after a mile or two you’ll find they definitely aren’t the right pair for you even if they are your size.

Yes, I know you think that blue shoes are special and they are the thing to own and you’re jealous when you see them on me and you wish to the moon and back that they were yours, but like I said before, you will probably only get a mile or two and they’ll start to really hurt and you’ll gladly give them back.

You see these are my blue worn shoes and only I have learned to wear them through pain and years. Yeah, yeah, I’m sure you think you can handle them just fine and would wear them so much better than I. So I guess it’s one for the money two for the show
. Three to get ready now go, cat, go.

I know you are so jealous of these blue suede shoes I wear. You think to yourself they are the most beautiful shoes you have ever seen. What soles they have for their age… and how graceful they move through the day. They must fit perfectly, after all the GIRL is always smiling who wears them, and she knows everything. She works right in the blue suede factory.

Yes, life in those blue suede shoes must…

no it has it to be PeRfeCt.

If only I had them my life could be too……

I do think you should know that some days the pain with them is intolerable. I am grateful that I have learned to just sit back….

take them off

and put up my feet to think that this moment in time shall pass too.

When you have finally learned to wear blue suede shoes as one should… you learn….It’s all moments of time and they all pass…….. some just take a little longer than others. So I sit and wait….and you learn…. You learn to some days …. never put those shoes ….and other days you wear them all day….. with a smile

Stories are stories, we heard them since childhood. They are embedded within our minds. Because the prince always saves the princess especially when the shoe fits.

But…..I stand within these shoes to say the shoe may fit but you may not be able to walk all day in them…..so please don’t just judge by the shoe or the smile…..it truly doesn’t resemble what it all’s about or how an individual may have the ability to hide the pain or walk the walk everyday, every hour.

Oh, by the way please don’t step on my blue suede shoes. I truly can’t take on another load. I may have a smile but that’s not really what is inside…..You see some of those indentations on those shoes are from people stepping on them everyday and everyone continues in their own way so please…. hear my pleas and lay off of my blue suede shoes. Really this is not a quest it’s a plea. I am old, so are my shoes, and so is my soul. Your eyes may tell you something different when you look but…please don’t….. I honestly can’t handle more….my back is becoming weak…my heart hurts and my soul is tired, so please don’t step on my blue suede shoes…

The spots….what are the spots?……those my friend ….those are the tears that I cry almost everyday asking G-D for the strength to continue to wear shoes of such beauty….because I know the strength and the quality of these shoes….and most important…..I believe…..

I believe that ANYTHING in these shoes is possible with love, patient, tolerance, support and more love…it is ALWAYS POSSIBLE…

The discoloration….oh well…that’s just trying to squeeze through situations where you are so frighten that you leave scrape marks on the side.. trying to gracefully get through…or from the night that you just continued to ask for one more knowing you were safe with the people you where with to get you home… just to kill the pain that you where feeling for weeks or months and somehow, someway without anyone really knowing you just had to get it out even if it wasn’t who you are and had to stab it even if it meant that you couldn’t put the shoes on for two days later and the people you spent that time with never really know who you were…..even if you wanted them to.

Yes, I wear these shoes. I wear them everyday and I love these shoes more than anyone can ever love a life, but G-D sometimes they hurt so bad and make me wonder …….CAN I really continue to keep these shoes.

Oh that dent in the side…..well that was just like any other morning and it was either I hurt the one I love or slam into the wall….I choose the other as always….they are only shoes…they are older….they can take the slams….The one I love is just trying to make it his own way through the day…

They may not appear as what they really are. You see I truly love these blue suede shoes and yes I know they are a gift from G-D, so I treasure them every moment of every day, but some days they are just harder to wear than others, so please bear me the moment to adjust to the extra discomfort on any particular day and again please don’t step on my blue suede shoes. I am doing the very best I can……can you not see…..

The soles ….oh yes they are very aged ….years of day in and day out of trials and tribulations ….people always continue to provide their input for what will work….BUT they don’t wear these shoes….they really don’t know….I am sorry blue suede shoes just don’t fit like others…..they are different…

And I stand as strong as I can say G-D,   “well, you can knock me down, step in my face
 Slander my name all over the place 
Do anything that you want to do 
But G-D, please let the people lay off of my blue suede shoes

Please understand the wearer is only human…. doing the best they can…and so grateful that you have finally taught us to ask……and ask…..and even beg if we have to….we love these shoes…..we love them with them with every breath…because we know…we know every spot, every crinkle, every mark, every dent…every thing about them…they are mine…they are love…they are life… they are you…G-D….give them the chance…..to dance!

peace love hugs a doodle…support autism…

The MAN, the BOY, the GIRL & AUTISM

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This will be the longest story ever written by me. I couldn’t stop the GIRL through her tears once she started. Last year on this evening she said, “Goodbye,” and told the MAN to always stand at her side. It was the last the BOY and GIRL saw the MAN. You can read it all, some, or none, but this is the story of the GIRL and  BOY and the MAN and AUTISM and well as the Doodle that I am, I had to share.

friends

It was the wee hours of the morning that the phone rang loudly in the darkness. The GIRL bolted up in her bed grabbing the phone quickly not wanting another ring to echo in the darkness of the early morning hours, and at the same time knowing it was the final ring call for the MAN and just the sound of it caused her great pain. Her heart started to cry before she even pushed the button to talk and with a very weak “hello,” the voice on the other end told her, he was gone. It was November 6th, 2013, approximately 2:13am.

Illness comes to all of us, sometimes in strange ways. Some for a day or two with fever, chills and other ailments, but to the MAN it started in April or earlier. He wouldn’t tell the GIRL things like this he would just nonchalantly mention that he wasn’t feeling well from time to time when she would drop off the BOY for his every other weekend stay. The GIRL would make suggestions for his ailments and go on her weekend of rest and solitude.

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The GIRL looked forward to these every other weekend stays. It would give her a break from the BOY and enable her to recharge for the upcoming 2 weeks. The BOY was getting harder. His behaviors were starting to escalate and no one could figure out what was actually happening. He was difficult for the GIRL and the MAN had great problems for the mere 48 hours that he had him. Each needed a break after their time with the BOY. Discussions among the GIRL and the MAN about the BOY and his future were starting to become a bi-weekly event. The MAN was adamant that the BOY never live in a home other than his own and the GIRL agreed but she couldn’t continue to be the main caregiver. It had to change. Little did she know the change that was to come.

The GIRL was with the MAN since she was 18 years old. She was 55 when he passed away. He was much older than her and already had two boys of his own when he met her. He was divorced and living the fine life. He drove fancy cars, had fancy clothes and jewelry to match. He lived in penthouses and houseboats. Life was fast and fun for him. He thought she was beautiful. She was somewhat intimidated by the MAN. He was strong, powerful and somewhat demanding, but there was something about him that made her stick around him.

shoulders

Fourteen years later they were married and expecting their first son. Life was always exciting with the MAN. He loved to live large. Renting limousines with champagne for a drive across the state or jumping on a plane to fly to an island and sometimes across the country for the weekend was not an uncommon experience for the two. They laughed, they fought, they cried, but most important they loved. Each had an innate understanding for the other and the GIRL learned. She learned how to be a business woman. She learned how not to be meek and mild, how to stand up for what she believed was right and to be heard. She learned how to manipulate almost any negative situation and turn it to a positive one. The MAN was proud because he knew there was now little that would the GIRL couldn’t do on her own, and he, he was the TEACHER. He was not only proud, he admired her strength. Every time she fell down he watched her stand up and do it bigger and better the next time. He always told her she was strong. Maybe he was preparing her for the future. Maybe he knew what was to come and wanted her to be strong enough to make it through. Maybe, just maybe he always knew.

The baby BOY was diagnosed with autism a little over the age of 2. The MAN was beside himself and the GIRL dove in head first to learn whatever she could about this thing called autism. She traveled from one side of the country to another (grateful that money wasn’t really an issue for her to do such) and she read everything she could find. The MAN never picked up a book. He just couldn’t deal with it. He tried, but as I said, he was older and well it was just darn difficult for him to accept and support, but sometimes he tried.

The older the BOY became and the stronger the behaviors became the more frequent the disagreements between the MAN and the GIRL grew. The daily disagreements turned in hourly screaming matches with the BOY slamming doors and breaking things, which was understood because that was truly what he was seeing daily. The MAN would never look to support the GIRL with the BOY and he would say she was the expert so she should handle him. The GIRL was exhausted and couldn’t fight with two anymore. After 18 years with the BOY together, the GIRL felt the best thing for all was to be separate. The MAN and the GIRL divorced. He was still her best friend who knew her better than anyone as she knew him.

They started to become a team for the first time for the BOY. They went to dinner together. They talked and they still laughed. They helped each other when they could. Life was good, and all were adjusting to their new separate family. She would call, he would call and they would plan. The BOY was doing great when they first separated and then about 3 years later his behaviors started and he was becoming extremely difficult.

It was a week in June when the MAN didn’t answer his phone or call the GIRL back and she knew. She just knew. Something was wrong. The MAN was always afraid of doctors and hospitals and reluctantly off to the hospital was the MAN and within hours he was diagnosed with colon cancer that had already metastasized. The GIRL being who she is asked for every paper and read them over and over and spent hours in the University library researching all the test results and then she cried. She cried for the MAN. She cried for the BOY and she cried for HER. She knew the ending now and it wasn’t in anyone’s favor, especially the MAN.

The MAN knew the GIRL would look after him and help him. He knew she would spend hours researching everything to ask every possible question and be able to communicate with his medical team as if she was a part of if. Yes, he knew, because he knew the GIRL better than anyone and he was right, so he asked her to stay and stay she did to help. She hired people to provide daily care for him; she coordinated most of his medical needs and was there to hold his hand, drive him to his appointments and to talk. Just talk. They talked about the BOY. They talked about their love. They talked about their pass, and they try to talk about the future, but all the MAN would say was, “you can do this. You are strong. You can do anything and I don’t want to hear anything else. You can. Remember GIRL NEVER say you CAN’T, can’t is just another way of saying I don’t want to.”

The GIRL would try to spend time each week with the MAN. Family tension rose quickly and the GIRL didn’t get to see the MAN as much as she wanted. His mother, who was of higher years gone by, became belligerent and intolerable to the GIRL and started to accuse her of stealing from the MAN. The GIRL was devastated by these accusations, because her heart was only love and she would never steal from the MAN. She didn’t have to, the MAN would have given her anything, at anytime. The MAN truly loved the girl and always would. The GIRL knew this and that is the one thing that always made her feel secure. The most precious memory is their last walk with him in his wheel chair, too weak to walk on his own, and her pushing him (he only trusted her to push him) and she leaned down to hear him and his head cuddled hers as if to say, I love you and I know it’s over and it was great doll. The last thing she told the MAN was I love you and she meant it. She will always love the MAN. He is the father of the BOY. He was her friend, her lover, her partner, her husband and her mentor.

After the phone rang the GIRL couldn’t sleep. Her pain was beyond any explanation. She just didn’t think it would hurt this much. She told the MAN’s sister she would go to the MAN’s house in the morning to get a suit for him. He was to be buried in Miami near his father. When the GIRL arrived at the house the older boys were already there. She wanted to comfort them even though their relationship for the last several years had been strained, they just lost their father. They met her at the door and refused to let her in. She was so distraught that she didn’t think it was her own home that they were prohibiting her from. She left in tears and they barricaded  the home from her entering it for several weeks. Little did she know that pain she felt that day was only the beginning of the pain to follow of the MAN’s death. At the service she sat with the BOY as stiff as the corpse within the casket. The rabbi started and his sermon went on and on speaking of the MANs 2 sons. He never mentioned the BOY. With each passing moment and each mention of the MAN’s sons the GIRL grew stiffer and sadder. She started to pray to G-D that the BOY had no knowledge of what the rabbi was saying. How is a son forgotten? She left the synagogue with a knife in her heart and held her breath on the 45 ride to the cemetery. At the cemetery all of the family was invited to stand on one side. The GIRL and the BOY was excluded, again, the pain, the anguish was beyond anything the GIRL could ever possibly imagine in life, yet she stood and took the BOYs hand after everyone was done and hand over hand put the dirt on the MAN’s casket while the BOY tried to wiggle his hand free from such as task. All she said was, “you are strong, you can do this.”

The hours have turned into days and the days into nights and the nights into weeks and now it’s a year that the MAN is gone. The pain is still there and the GIRL is very much alone to make decisions for the BOY alone. She is scared, frightened and worried. All she keeps hearing is, “you are strong. You will be fine.” The MAN’s mother’s behavior is well forgiven, because the GIRL realizes that she can never imagine such to a mother. She loves the mother and always will. She loves the family, but knew the day she walked out the door of the MAN’s house she would never be a true part of the family again. A pain she will always live with.

I believe it is difficult for any outsider to look at this situation and understand unless you were wearing the shoes that they all wore. Living and keeping love in some autism families are just beyond possible for some and for the GIRL and the MAN this was true.

The best part of all is the GIRL was there and the MAN and the GIRL knew that LOVE still lived in their hearts and always will.

The GIRL thinks the MAN sent me to their home to help and well…….I’ll never tell her different.

Autism….like a monster…can cause FEAR!

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It’ s that dreaded time of year when goblins, witches and monsters will roam our streets. Fearful creatures will slither into our life inducing screams, terror, and heart pounding moments. The blessing is it’s only for a night. Autism doesn’t come with a costume; it’s not just for a night and it does come with a daily distinctive level of fear, especially if you are the sole caregiver of an adult with autism. Yes, fear with autism is imminent.

The GIRL is sure that every parent lives with a specific level of daily fear for their child in one way or another. She believes that having a child with severe to moderate autism heightens that fear for many parents. Just listen to the news everyday and your fear is bound to escalate. It seems on a daily basis now some horrible act is being performed on an individual with autism. Fear is something that has always crossed her mind when the boy’s father was alive. The difference is it didn’t creep into her daily thoughts and slip into her dreams waking her in a cold sweat to spend countless hours awake worrying over the ‘what ifs’ and how to best protect the BOY that would enable her to diminish the fears and know that he was safe. When the BOYs father was alive as silly as it is or sounds she always felt there was a safety valve there and all would be fine.   Now don’t misunderstand she had certain fears but not to the level now. Once the BOY’s father died everything changed. It changed from worrying about the future to fear of the future.

The GIRLS fears vary, sometimes she fears that she is not going to make it to the end of the day because something may happen halting her from seeing the morning sunlight once again. She fears that something might happen to spiral financial liabilities out of control leaving her and the BOY losing their home or food on the table each night. She fears that she will become very ill and not be able to provide care. She fears that something will happen to him when she is not right there and fears that an accident will happen and she never return home when she is driving or traveling alone, and the biggest fear of all is that when she is no longer here that he, the BOY, will be treated with ill respect and become extremely sad and depressed in life, no longer a happy young man. So yes, the GIRL lives in FEAR on a daily basis. Perhaps different from goblins and witches but fear is fear and it manages to creep into her life every day.

I know you’re probably saying what the heck is the difference of a regular parent and the GIRL is going over the top with this fear stuff. It is true that as a parent you always want to protect your child regardless of their age. When you have a child with autism life just seems to be so different and that different becomes so normal to the family that when they look out at others lives they seem so abnormal. Would the GIRL trade lives? Some days yes without a second doubt when autism takes over so strongly in the home that it literally cripples her and the BOY. Oh, yeah on those days she would love to. On every other day, NO WAY. Everything about the BOY is adored by the GIRL which may seem abnormal in a typically home, like how he runs up to her when she comes in from work and hugs her from behind or after they spend the day together and he tells her it was the best day ever and then in his own little limited language tells her how much he loves her, or he dances through the aisles of the store when’s happy. These are things that probably most 25-year-old males will not do, but the BOY does and the GIRL adores it. It’s like she always has her little guy near.

It doesn’t seem to matter how much you attempt to prepare for the future of your child who is not able to provide total care for themselves it is never enough and this fear continues to creep into your life. The goblin, witches and monsters are always right around the corner breathing down your neck. They creep into your life daily and nightly. They are within our society and we must continue to educate, educate and educate society and continue to stress the importance of differences and how to be kind so eventually these monsters too will understand and support those that are different from them.

The GIRL always says, “well you just have to keep moving forward and being prepared with every step.” She says that but I, the Doodle, knows she is scared. She just tries to be tough, but inside she’s peanut butter and I love peanut butter. I always try to tell her I will always be there for the BOY. She just smiles and says, “Doodle I know you will be.”

Be Kind, Peace hugs love a doodle and support autism.

Take that Comment and Shove it

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When you have a child with a disability sometimes people say the dumbest things.

PEOPLE…… do yourself and the family you are about to open your mouth to……………just don’t say anything.  You are ANNOYING..

Here are just a couple that make the  GIRL crazy………

Oh don’t worry I understand.

This makes us roll on the floor laughing. They DON’T have a clue and if you ask them if they have ever spent time with someone with autism, they would probably say, no.

The GIRL would like to say, “oh, that makes me so happy, listen I need someone to take care of him for a couple of days so I can get away and you seem to really understand, what days would work best for you, and oh the doodle can come too. He knows how to calm him down when he starts smashing the walls.”

Where will he live when he grows up?

Really. Why does it matter to them and all it does is make the parent feel horrible because it reminds them that once again their child will always need support and what will happen to them when they are gone.

The GIRL would like to say, “oh, I’m so glad you asked. His attorney for his guardianship tells us to find people who may be interested to have him live with them. You seem to be very interested. Thank you so much for asking.”

Will he ever be able to…………………?

Don’t ask this. It’s a horrible thing to ask a parent and a parent doesn’t know for sure until that time comes. Miracles do happen and things change. The GIRL never thought the BOY would be able to shave himself. He does GREAT and is always clean-shaven.

The GIRL would like to say, “I wonder if you will ever be able to learn not to ask such a stupid ass question.”

What is he good at?

Oh, this one knocks my tail off. Many still think of the movie ‘Rain Man’ and that all people with autism are savants in one area.

The GIRL would like to say, “at driving his mother to consume large quantities of wine in one sitting, but don’t worry, I’m in AA now so we are just taking one day at a time.”

Yes, this autism thing is really getting big isn’t it?

Stupid, dumb and dumber thing to say. Yes, ma’am it’s 1 out of 68 now and guess what the BOY is one.

The GIRL would like to say, “Just what the heck do you mean by that. Are you dumb or dumber?”

So, what does he do for fun?

Lady, do you really care….NO, so don’t ask.

The GIRL would like to say, “Oh he hangs out at the corner bar every night. That’s why we bought the house we did near that bar so he could walk home.”

Can he do anything on his own?

Why, don’t you get the salt out and just rub it in the cut. This has to be the absolute most horrible thing to ask someone.

The GIRL would like to say, “oh yes, he can destroy a house in about 10 minutes. What day did you say that brunch was at your house?”

You know… my niece, or is that my 2nd niece, in Allygoodville works with those types of kids?

What, I can’t believe I just heard that ‘those type of kids.”

The GIRL would like to say, “GREAT, why don’t you write her name , number and address down so I can send her another one of ‘those kids.”

We can go on and on and on and on, just like the BOY. Feel free to share one of those comments that you would like to say, “take that comment and shove it.

Here is the bottom line……………Speak the truth, don’t act like you know the answer if you don’t, always think how that question would make you feel it you were a parent of a child that required additional supports and ALWAYS abide by the Thumper Rule. IF YOU DON’T HAVE SOMETHING NICE TO SAY, DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

Oh, another fast favorite, “oh I’m sure he’ll grow out of it.” Lady, he’s 25 …when do you think that will happen. You maven moron.

Feel free to leave one….

The Police Pulled us Over

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OK, so I told you I would share the police story of the GIRL and the BOY with you and I think today is the PeRFecT day to do that. I’m feeling tuckered right out. I went to play Frisbee golf with the BOY and the Other Boy. I ran around like a chicken without their head.

It was a hot day somewhat like today. The GIRL had just picked the BOY up from his school and they had just finished with the usual stops at the grocery store, bank and post office (we didn’t have all these apps like today). The BOY was not in a happy mood. He wanted to be home long before they were on their way.

He was probably 4. At that time at the age of 4 a child’s seat was not required. He had to be buckled in but no child seat. Yes, I know the times have changed. The GIRL had a 4-door sedan type car.

Getting the BOY to stay in a seat belt was always a challenge. Getting the BOY in any seat was a challenge. The GIRL felt the BOY was the best Houdini she ever met. He could get out of anything in 3 seconds flat. If she knew the drive ahead was 20 minutes she would almost double the time to get to point B because she knew she would be pulling over every couple of minutes to lock the BOY back in his car seat or seat belt. If she left him out he would win and think he didn’t have to buckle up.

On this day the girl was exhausted. In the proceeding 3 nights she probably got about 12 hours total sleep. She was tired, cranky and over the top with autism. They were ¼ mile or less from home. She could feel home and maybe get a wink in because the BOY’s father should be home.

Click, snap.

There he is standing in the middle of the 2 front seats straddling the hump in the back seat like a cowboy riding a new horse with tight jeans bouncing side to side. The look on his face was one of triumph escape joy. The GIRL said to herself, I don’t care. I can crawl home and I am not pulling over one more time. Let him straddle that hump.

WRONG…………the red lights and the piercing sound was ringing in her ears and reflecting off of her mirror.

She pulls over. I think you should be aware the car clearly spells out autism on it. The vehicle’s license plate clearly distinguishes there is either someone in the car with autism or that the owner of the vehicle is very close to someone with autism.

The officer walks up to the window and says, “Ma’am do you know why I am pulling you over.” Being cranky and tired the GIRL thinks in her head DUH….no let me see….you wanted to ask me what was for dinner?

The GIRL very politely says, “Yes, officer, I am sorry, we have been on the road for about 15 minutes and I’ve already re-buckled him at least 8 times. I’m tired and cranky and just want to get home. We are having a very autistic day”

Officer: “I understand, I have kids of my own. Do you mind if I have a talk with the BOY.”

GIRL: doing her very best acting to withhold her wanting to laugh so hard right in his face routine, very lady like says nooooooooooooo, NOT at all. She places her finger on the rear window button to put it down. She wanted to make it much easier for the officer to have this conversation with her son. It was a pleasure he wanted to venture there………..

Officer: “ Hi son, I’m your friend…..I’m a police officer….you need to wear your seatbelt and stay in it. Do you know why?”

With that the BOY dives to the floorboard on the opposite side of the car and starts to dig feverishly on the carpet and yells, “I don’t want to die, let me out. I want to live.” (in case you don’t know that is what Wilbur the pig says in Charlotte’s Web).

Officer looking rather perplexed. “Son, son, now calm down. I am your friend. No need to be afraid. You need to wear that seatbelt. It’s a safety precaution. Son, let me explain, I am your friend.”

BOY: “no, no, no, please, I DON’T WANT TO DIE. I WANT TO LIVE.”

Officer: “Son now listen to me. Just focus on my voice. You are fine. You will be fine. Just relax, blah, blah, blah.”

The GIRL is sitting in the front, sit as stiff as a board. Her knuckles are white because she is gripping the steering wheel so hard and the tears are rolling down her eyes.

Her stiff body is starting to jiggle and she is trying her hardest to not allow any sounds escape her mouth and tries even harder to keep her body stiff form jiggling like the jolly old man in red.

She is LAUGHING AND LAUGHING AND LAUGHING …He want’s to talk to him………………Controlling her silence and rigid body is becoming a difficult task.

Couple of minutes of the BOY continuing to dig and escalate the officer comes back up to the front window. The GIRL tries to quickly wipe the tears of laughter away.

Officer: “Ma’am”

GIRL: “yes”

Officer: (shaking head) “is there any medication to give him?”

GIRL: “Officer if there was something that would work I would probably have him on it.”

Officer: “Where do you live”

GIRL: “right over there (she points to the subdivision across street)

Officer: “OH, THERE, well heck he’s fine. You just get home and ma’am…well…umm. Ma’am..yeah..uh…best of luck to you.”

GIRL: “Thanks officer, we may need it some days.”

The BOY is not good with back and forth communication. He has always had language but does not communicate well. He has always used scripts from movies however, the good thing is he has always used them in appropriate context. Till today he will do this. Sometimes you have to stop and think what is this person really trying to tell me and most important to remember is BEHAVIOR IS A FORM OF COMMUNICATION. 

Today the BOY always buckles up and reminds everyone in the vehicle to buckle up. Even me. Guess all those pull-overs worked.

 

Support Autism Peace hugs love a doodle.

Are Foul Odors Associated with Behavior?

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Sunday…..what an interesting day to say the least. The morning started out GREAT. The GIRL told me we were going for a ride after our errands and lunch. I love rides, especially with the top down.

We all did our little Sunday chores, got dressed, and started to run some of our errands before we had lunch and our “BIG” ride. The BOY was in a happy mood. We were all happy. It was a beautiful day!

First stop Target to get me food, and treats, and vitamins for the BOY. Next stop JoAnns to purchase some more crafty junk. Yeah, the damn GIRL likes to craft. I’m like hey craft me a rub down, but she makes all sorts of junk and is happy doing it. Guess she needs something to do that she likes.

Today for some strange reason my stomach was acting up. It was, well you know, gassy. The line in JoAnns was rather long and my belly was starting to hurt, so I very quietly tried to politely release some gas thinking my stomach would feel better. One in the line quiet foul smelling release, two quietly released in the line and on the third one the BOY starts up, “What is that smell, that smell is horrible, I mean that is a really bad smell, eeeewwww that is GROSS.”

I’m like dude, come on I’m your best friend, I’m trying to omit this foul abhorrent smelling odor without anyone noticing. BOY, come on, don’t rat me out. HELL NO THAT DIDN”T WORK. Now the farts are coming faster and stronger and it’s our turn at the register. The BOY continues, “EWWWWW, that is really gross, what is that smell.” The girl at the register was trying to be polite and didn’t really look the GIRL in the eye, she politely put one hand sorta over her nose and the other to scan the items. RIP……ah, I am feeling a bit better getting that out, but must admit is reeking in the aisle.

Now the BOY gets really loud and people are starting to look around, “what is that GROSSSSSS smell, oh, man THAT REALLY STINKS.” The GIRL at this time wants to put a plug in my butt, or walk out the door and leave the purchases or just have the floor open and suck her in, but being the pro she is. She just smiles at the cashier and says, “thank you so much for your help.”

The BOY is still saying how bad the foul odor as we depart. The GIRL immediately takes me over to the grass area and tells me to get busy (busy is my word to go, you know take a poop). But, but, I’d don’t have to go, I just have gas. After some time the girl is like forget it and we all load back in the car. The GIRL is hesitant about this because the car is rather small, so she puts the top down.

Next stop lunch. YUP, pizza restaurant, you know where we know everyone by name, and all about their families. Gas still coming. Pizza and foul smelling orders don’t mix well and I think it got the boy. He was still continuing to complain about the odor when the food came. One bite and he lost it. “That’s it, it’s gross, I can’t eat it. I’m not hungry.” The GIRL asks for the check and a box, collects the food, pays the check and out the door we go.

My stomach is much better, but the BOY wasn’t. He starts hitting himself in the head and yelling at the GIRL that he was going to tell his father and then in the next breath saying right he couldn’t tell his father cause he died at the temple. (I’ll tell you that story soon, but yes, sad to say the BOYS father died). The GIRL tells the BOY he needs to relax, or they will have to go home. The BOY can’t relax. I’m just hanging in the back. I give the BOY a nudge to say like come on dude we don’t want to go home already, my stomach is better I won’t smell any more and he yells, “DOODLE DON’T TOUCH ME.” Hits himself in the head, shakes his body and calls the girl, “GOATFACE.” That dreaded word…..this continues for about 5 more minutes and the GIRL makes the executive call………..

TURN AROUND

Home we go. The GIRL and I go for a LONG walk when we get to the house leaving the BOY to relax. When we return the BOY is fine. He is calm and relaxed and the rest of Sunday was a breeze.

I had no idea that farts could set off such behaviors. Note to self…research….do foul odors trigger behaviors. Oh well! There’s always next week for the long drive. Ah, the life of a doodle.

Support Autism peace hugs love a doodle.

 

Sometimes it’s hard to tell what sets a behavior off and sometimes it’s just to hard to work through the behavior. Let the people relax. Give them space, give them time. Everyone will be happy in the end.

Hold for five minutes and then Laugh…

Standard

It’s Friday night. The GIRL and I have been talking. Yes, I talk with the GIRL. She shares stories with me about the last 25 years of raising the BOY and surviving autism.

For the last couple of days we have all been happy. When the BOY is happy we are happy and life is good.

Tonight we talked about being happy and how you can love someone so much that causes you sleepless nights, hours of paperwork, breaks things, ruins most of your plans, screams, yells and yet on the other side is sweet, kind, gentle and just a love. That’s the BOY.

He makes us smile and he melts our hearts. The GIRL says the hardest thing of raising someone with autism is society. Now remember the BOY isn’t a child, even though I call him the BOY, so when he was young autism wasn’t a household word. Everyone just thought he was an unruly child with a horrible mother. The GIRL has been in many uncomfortable situations through the years and it took her a long time to find comfort in those moments where society was cruel. How did she do it? Well after she thought about the moments she laughed and she laughed and laughed. Finally one day no stares or comments bothered her, because she just found the humor in it all. Sometimes we just have to learn to laugh like….

…when we are in the store standing in a line for a very long time and he leans forward telling the woman she is excused and repeats this at least 4 times before the GIRL says, “it’s fine,” and the BOY blurts out rather loudly in the line, “it’s not fine, she ripped one and is suppose to say EXCUSE ME.”

Or

…when you are in a restaurant and he is in a bad mood or doesn’t like the PIZZA (remember it’s all we eat out) and he spits the food back on his plate and very loudly says, “YUCK…this is gross, I hate this restaurant, the pizza is GGGGRRRRROSSSS.” Now remember the BOY never says something like this just once.

Or

…when he sees a 6’4” man over 300 pounds with a beard and tattoos all over his arms and he walks right up to the man with perfect, I mean perfect, eye contact, points his finger at him and laughs. Laughs right out loud…

or

…when he comes out of the restroom and in a very loud voice says, “now the pee feels better”

or

..when your out somewhere and he just decides to dance and starts laughing out loud and saying, “I’m so happy, isn’t this great?

Or

….when he tells the woman that her dress is really ugly

or

…when we are having a really difficult day but we must complete our errands and he is calling me a MURDERER or GOATFACE in a store and EVERYONE is staring and moving to the front of the store, like there is a blue light special but in this instance to see if someone is getting murdered. People love gore.

BUT…… you have to LOVE it when he puts his arms around the GIRL from behind and says to her, “oh mom, I’m so glad you are home. I missed you so much.”

YES, autism with the BOY is sweet and sour (wish he’d eat Chinese food, I dig the wontons), but he is ours and well to be frank we think he is dog gone great.

 

Dealing and living with society is not easy.  Most people do not understand autism because they can not see it or they don’t want to understand it.   You must learn how to get over the clickers and shakers (the people who click their tongues and shake their heads at your child’s behavior).   Your child needs to be out in society. It is how he will learn. Never allow the looks of others to bother you. Our thing is: if the BOY isn’t hurting himself or others he is fine and let them stare. The BOY needs to learn. The BOY always learns, sometimes it just takes a little longer, but in time with patients, a positive attitude and persistence…….he does.

SMILE….it will be over before you know it. As we read on one mother’s blog…”you can do anything for five minutes,” and if we remembered who said it we would gladly give her credit, but of course we don’t.  After 5 minutes….. LAUGH……….

Support Autism Peace hugs love a doodle.