Autism….like a monster…can cause FEAR!

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It’ s that dreaded time of year when goblins, witches and monsters will roam our streets. Fearful creatures will slither into our life inducing screams, terror, and heart pounding moments. The blessing is it’s only for a night. Autism doesn’t come with a costume; it’s not just for a night and it does come with a daily distinctive level of fear, especially if you are the sole caregiver of an adult with autism. Yes, fear with autism is imminent.

The GIRL is sure that every parent lives with a specific level of daily fear for their child in one way or another. She believes that having a child with severe to moderate autism heightens that fear for many parents. Just listen to the news everyday and your fear is bound to escalate. It seems on a daily basis now some horrible act is being performed on an individual with autism. Fear is something that has always crossed her mind when the boy’s father was alive. The difference is it didn’t creep into her daily thoughts and slip into her dreams waking her in a cold sweat to spend countless hours awake worrying over the ‘what ifs’ and how to best protect the BOY that would enable her to diminish the fears and know that he was safe. When the BOYs father was alive as silly as it is or sounds she always felt there was a safety valve there and all would be fine.   Now don’t misunderstand she had certain fears but not to the level now. Once the BOY’s father died everything changed. It changed from worrying about the future to fear of the future.

The GIRLS fears vary, sometimes she fears that she is not going to make it to the end of the day because something may happen halting her from seeing the morning sunlight once again. She fears that something might happen to spiral financial liabilities out of control leaving her and the BOY losing their home or food on the table each night. She fears that she will become very ill and not be able to provide care. She fears that something will happen to him when she is not right there and fears that an accident will happen and she never return home when she is driving or traveling alone, and the biggest fear of all is that when she is no longer here that he, the BOY, will be treated with ill respect and become extremely sad and depressed in life, no longer a happy young man. So yes, the GIRL lives in FEAR on a daily basis. Perhaps different from goblins and witches but fear is fear and it manages to creep into her life every day.

I know you’re probably saying what the heck is the difference of a regular parent and the GIRL is going over the top with this fear stuff. It is true that as a parent you always want to protect your child regardless of their age. When you have a child with autism life just seems to be so different and that different becomes so normal to the family that when they look out at others lives they seem so abnormal. Would the GIRL trade lives? Some days yes without a second doubt when autism takes over so strongly in the home that it literally cripples her and the BOY. Oh, yeah on those days she would love to. On every other day, NO WAY. Everything about the BOY is adored by the GIRL which may seem abnormal in a typically home, like how he runs up to her when she comes in from work and hugs her from behind or after they spend the day together and he tells her it was the best day ever and then in his own little limited language tells her how much he loves her, or he dances through the aisles of the store when’s happy. These are things that probably most 25-year-old males will not do, but the BOY does and the GIRL adores it. It’s like she always has her little guy near.

It doesn’t seem to matter how much you attempt to prepare for the future of your child who is not able to provide total care for themselves it is never enough and this fear continues to creep into your life. The goblin, witches and monsters are always right around the corner breathing down your neck. They creep into your life daily and nightly. They are within our society and we must continue to educate, educate and educate society and continue to stress the importance of differences and how to be kind so eventually these monsters too will understand and support those that are different from them.

The GIRL always says, “well you just have to keep moving forward and being prepared with every step.” She says that but I, the Doodle, knows she is scared. She just tries to be tough, but inside she’s peanut butter and I love peanut butter. I always try to tell her I will always be there for the BOY. She just smiles and says, “Doodle I know you will be.”

Be Kind, Peace hugs love a doodle and support autism.

Is it Autism or Natural

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Hello Doodlers in Autism.

Look at me! I’ve got Teddy.

I love Teddy. BUT….. I am not allowed near Teddy. I love to smell him, nibble on his ears, and literally just pull his stuffing out (according to the GIRL I AM NEVER, NEVER, EVER TO DO THAT). Strength Doodle have will power.

Teddy is the BEAR in this house.

He is the BOYs BEAR. Now I told you in the beginning the BOY I call BOY isn’t really a BOY but he is to me, so I call him BOY. He is actually an adult who has been out of school (he was in school until he was 22, that’s the law for special education) for several years. So…the BOY isn’t a BOY, but to the Doodle he is, and oh while we are on that subject the GIRL ain’t near a girl BUT I call her that, it’s probably why she likes me.

To the BOY Teddy is his friend.

The BOY often says,” the only one I got”. (people with autism don’t usually have friends, it’s sorta sad, but that is just how it is)

Many times when we are out and the BOY starts to get a little bored or nervous, HE will say we need to get home before Teddy worries about us.

I just sit there and roll my eyes and want to yell, “BOY, he’s a bear…a stuffed bear and stuffed bears DON’T CARE.” But to the BOY he’s special, just as I guess I am special, so I don’t open my bark.

The stuffed BEAR caused a HUGE issue with HER. From what I understand the BOY used to have a lion that he carried everywhere when HE was little. If they left the lion somewhere they would drive hours to get it back or the BOY would melt down for days. The lion went to school with the BOY to friends’ houses, to restaurants, to bed, to the bathroom, to dinner and wherever the BOY went the lion went. No this is not Mary had a little lamb story, don’t get excited, but now Mary…..ok she’s another story.

Back to the lion………..

The lion disappeared one day. I’m sure the GIRL had something to do with it because she thought the BOY was too big (he was 10 or 12) to be carrying a stuffed lion around and guess what someone gave the BOY a pretty box wrapped in pretty paper with a bow and guess what was inside?  (yup Teddy’s pretty old too)

THE BEAR who became TEDDY.

The GRIL was not too happy with this and it took her a long time to come to the conclusion that it was OK for the BOY to have a stuffed bear even if he wasn’t a little BOY anymore.

SHE thought long and hard about this and decided that many people had stuffed animals or dolls as adults. It had nothing to do with autism or having a disability.  It was downright NATURAL.  It was just what they did with them that made the difference.

The difference was if HE would bring the BEAR everywhere then it was NOT natural as an adult to have a stuffed bear that they brought everywhere BUT it was OK it he stayed at home. SO….TEDDY NEVER leaves the house (poor bear).

So the bear got to stay and he stays in the BOYS room on the BOYS bed. The BOY sits with him often and me the Doodle….well I sneak in whenever I can just to smell the bear and nibble on his shoulder…………He is just PEACE and CALM.I know why the BOY likes him.

TR

Peace hugs love a doodle and support autism.

 

 

10 Signs You Know You’re an Autism Mom

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DOODLE DOODLE DOODLE how did you ever get so handsome? I ask myself that question all the time.

So I think over the last 6 months I have figured out how you know if SHE is a mother of a child with autism.

Here are 10 signs I’ve sniffed out. They ain’t in any order. I hate order. The BOY loves order.

  1. Yup, you’re an autism mom when the salesclerk at the cosmetic store knows you by name because you are in there on a regular basis and the clerk never knows what product to sell you to cover the dark circles under your eyes from lack of sleep.
  1. Yup, you’re an autism mom when you speak and understand this very strange language that few understand, especially a Doodle. You say things like my child has an IEP, but first we needed to get a FUBA to get a BIP and yes he attended ESY but I think we need a CBA instead of a CaBA in the house. I’m like hello is that IGLOO talk. At first I thought great, SHE is speaking in code around me and thought being the determined Doodle that I am I would figure it out. THIS AIN’T no CODE. It’s a language of special needs. http://nichcy.org/families-community/acronyms

  2. Yup, you’re an autism mom when the clickers and shakers in society (those are the people that when your child is doing something that may not be (noticed I said MY NOT BE) totally accepted in society they stand there clicking their tongues and shaking their heads, saying things like, “that child is disgusting, if that was my child, all that child needs”….. and the mom turns around and says, “oh my do I have something in my teeth,” or “is there something on my shirt,” or I tinkle in my fur when she says, “isn’t it great how good he is today.” That one gets the looks. I now always hold my tail a little higher on that one.

  3. Yup, you’re an autism mom when your car has more miles on it in a year than most people do in 3 years because you’re running your child from one end of town to another to get therapy, make a buddy date (now those are special) or for an educational program. I’m not complaining about this because the Doodle LOVES the car. Oh, yeah, we’re going for a RIDE! I do have dogoggles!

  4. Yup, you’re an autism mom when you can basically quote the federal and state statues. You know the 504, IDEA, ADA and the ESE regulations of the state and guardianship laws. At first I thought SHE was an attorney rattling off all that legal mumble jumble stuff and I thought DOG I’m gonna eat good at this house. I’m happy to get the bone. http://nichcy.org/laws/idea

  5. Yup, you’re an autism mom when you walk into a room and you suddenly stop and ask what that noise is or that flicker and everyone looks at you like you had several martinis before walking in the room. Yeah the GIRLS eyes and ears are almost as sharp as mine now. I dig it. She picks up the squirrels before me. http://sensorysmarts.com/signs_of_spd.html

7.Yup, you’re an autism mom when you always have a pair of scissors in your bag JUST IN CASE you need to cut a tag out of clothing that is making him NUTS. http://sensorysmarts.com/signs_of_spd.html

8.Yup, you’re an autism mom when you are starting to display some of the characteristics yourself because you realize it’s easier than dealing with society. Oh SHE gets goofy on me. I’m like yeah, I’m a service dog and umm she’s going into a preautismania. We better leave.

9.Yup, you’re an autism mom when your house is no longer your sanctuary because you always have therapists and coordinators coming in and going, so you’re always cleaning because you don’t want them to think you live like a slob, but you’re exhausted from all the cleaning that now you just throw everything in one room that you make sure is closed when they come. Look I think SHE does swell with this. I never find Dirty Underware on the floor not even socks. What fun is that for a Doodle.

  1. Yup, you’re an autism mom when your night of fun means you open a bottle of wine, put on your pajamas and get to sit in your room alone for 31 minutes.

Peace hugs and love a doodle. Support autism.

Tidy Laundry and Autism Relations

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The GIRL is HOME.

We went for a LONG walk.

She was quiet.

The BOY is buzzing around the house like a hornet. He’s gone through almost a roll of paper towels today, 3567 gallons of water, 2 bottles of laundry detergent and 10 cans of soda.

Water on the kitchen counters IS NOT TOLERATED!!!

NOT EVEN A DROP!!!!!!!

How many paper towels does it take to wipe off a drop? Well the BOY thinks at least 4.

The washing machine has not stopped all day. I think we are the only family that keeps the Maytag man in business. The BOY is diligent about laundry. HE changes his clothes about 37.5 (the half is when he leaves the same top or bottom on that he had on for at least 22 minutes) times a day on a slow day.

HE would probably be happy if I had a large wardrobe instead of all this fur just so HE could launder more.   I don’t get it ……laundry. Why isn’t he more like me? I really dig a long sniff, a walk in the woods and a good tree to lift my leg on. That’s it, all simple things. I just don’t get this stuff he does over and over. Why doesn’t he just settle for a good nap. Laundry just ain’t FUN. Naps are FUN. Must be that autism thing again.

http://autism.about.com/od/whatisautism/a/perseveration.htm

BUT

I have to hand it to him the house is clean and tidy. It would help if he preferred dusting…..but he is tidy

TIDY…..that’s another problem.

The GIRL spends most of her time while home searching for things that the BOY has put away and when she asks him where he put them HE gives that really cool answer of I DON”T KNOW. The GIRL then spends great lengths of time searching for things and mumbling things like, “I feel like I’m losing my mind, I just can’t keep up to him.

It makes me nervous when SHE talks to herself.  I makes me think they will remove me from the home.

I’m totally exhausted today. The BOY has not stopped.  He’s still buzzing through the house.  I’m Doodled out……oh no another LOAD OF LAUNDRY……………….pop sizzzzzzzz

Support Autism!

Peace hugs and love a Doodle.

Peanuts Cause Anger

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peanuts

When a Doodle knows…a Doodle knows.

I knew it.  SHE was gonna be ANGRY.

DOG (I think I’m supposed to say this SHE says man, so I guess I’m supposed to say DOG)

So here’s how it happened. The GIRL arrives home from the office. SHE is on the phone. SHE looks a tad tired but happy.  I run up to her with my tail waggin,” thinking this should soften the blow, lick, wag, lick, and the BOY comes out to welcome her home (like nothing happened and everything is just like every other day.  I have to admit he’s slick like that. I must take notes.  I gotta stop putting my tail between my legs when I do something wrong).

The GIRL opens a chewy bone she brought home for me and I’m like oh yeah, this is perfect.   (I can just act like I’m chewing on a bone and know NOTHING)  SHE goes to throw the wrapper from my bone in the trash (yes, we only use the word TRASH here.  The BOY insists on the word TRASH.  He’s funny like that with words)  and as SHE opens the trash lid SHE sees IT.

SHE immediately tells the phone (i don’t understand these phone things) 

I GOT TO GO! and then says

I HAVE TO HANG UP NOW!!

SHE yells to the BOY, WTH is this?  Why are there 6 cans of peanuts opened and thrown into the trash? ( I know you can’t see all the peanuts but have you ever taken a photo with paws? Trust a Doodle there are 6 cans of peanuts in there.  I actually sat right by him while he did it)

WHY? WHY? WHY?

 The BOY now goes from 0 to blast off and starts screaming at HER (it’s like he’s trying to make it her fault, he’s good).  I’m just chewing on the bone, damn it’s a good one.  SHE continues to attempt to question the boy, but he ain’t giving any answers (something else I need to work on.  He’s good) He just continues to say, “I don’t know, I don’t know, I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

AND THEN……………………………

My ears perk  up when I hear the BOY call her  GOAT FACE! Yup, goat-face, that’s really, really bad. I know it may not sound like anything to you, BUT  one thing I’ve learn in my short time within this dysfunctional family unit is that goat face is worse than using the “F” word (and she don’t tolerate that).  The BOY is mad and the GIRL is really mad.  They are both ANGRY, and I’m thinking PEANUTS MAKE YOU ANGRY.  Am I missing something here. She asks the BOY again what the heck was he thinking. She then asked him do you know how much money you just threw in the TRASH? (I’m thinking SHE has really lost it today….of course he doesn’t know…… he doesn’t get money AT ALL,…… but damn this bone is good) She’s saying something like $24 in peanuts …….  

GOAT FACE!

Then the GIRL WARNING comes.  

If you call me goat face 1 more time you will have no television or ipad tonight.  GASP……now I’m getting upset because my favorite show is on tonight and when the BOY loses TV so do I. Come on BOY, don’t say it, chew, chew, chew, don’t,  chew, don’t

DAMN!!!!!!

GREAT there goes the Doodle’s night.

It was a rather quiet night in this Doodle’s house and the GIRL still has no idea why the BOY threw out 6 cans of peanuts, but on our nightly walk SHE did say SHE should have handled it differently and I just looked at her and thought what do I know I’m only the DOODLE and I’m never gonna repeat how that BOY just opened those cans and threw 1 after another in the TRASH.  I hate Peanuts so to be honest I didn’t give a crap.

Another bone?????

Sometimes the strangest things happen, but in the end if no one is hurt and it can be fixed then all is well. 

Peace, hugs and love a DOODLE night to ya.  Wag on Doodle………