Horrid Halloween and Autism

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As a Doodle, I take my job very seriously. I was brought into this dysfunctional family to protect and guide and that is what I will continue to do…..no matter what. Mr Store Manager, Sir, Don’t you Understand, Halloween can be confusing to a doodle who has to protect.

Sunday, just like every other Sunday the GIRL, the BOY and me, the Doodle, load into our little car with me jammed in the back seat and the BOY complaining that I’m to close to him…. head out to do our Sunday errands. Grocery shopping, lunch, and today we decided it was a beautiful Fall feeling day so we were going to the Home Décor store to get some Fall decorations to make the house feel festive inside and out.

All was going well. There were no erroneous odors eliminating from my bottom today like the other Sunday. The BOY was in a great mood and well I was feeling rather light from my new haircut and the day was like a Triple D (Dandy Doodle Day).

We pulled up to the Home Décor store and unloaded. The BOY, GIRL, and I jumped out of the car eager to get inside. The large glass doors opened as we neared the entrance and there is was. The 12 foot green, mean ,orange faced ,long clawed monster, who if ever got ahold of the BOY or GIRL would chew them up, claw them to bits and pieces, and throw them out.

orange head

I immediately went into Doodle Action.

I showed my teeth, I put my hair up. I braced my hind feet so I was prepared for any blow from that monster and then I let out my meanest, hardiest, Doodle bark, I could manage. It was so loud and vicious that I actually frighten myself the GIRL and the BOY. They both jumped like they had no idea what was going on and yelled at me for doing my job.

WHAT THE HECK….ARE THEY BLIND? DO THEY NOT SEE THE DANGER?

And why the heck is the BOY yelling at me to STOP BARKING…..HELLO I’m protecting here. Now the GIRL….DOODLE, STOP IT.

The GIRL is now dragging me around the corner, from the beast that I am protecting them from, only to bump into the U-GLEE EST lady I have ever seen with a wart on her nose and she starts talking to me and I once again go into vicious DOODLE PROTECTION MODE.

ugly woman

BOY: Doodle stop barking. No barking Doodle.

GIRL: Boy, I think he is afraid of those things.

BOY: I DON”T CARE …..DOODLE STOP BARKING. SHUT UP

BOY:  I gotta stop saying that.

GIRL: Boy, you don’t need to yell at him.

BOY: YES, I DO. DOODLE STOP BARKING.

ME: BARK, BARK, BARK, I’LL RIP YOUR CLAWS AND THAT UGLY FACE OFF IF YOU COME NEAR US. BARK

In walks Mr. Store Manager. “Excuse me ma’am. We have an open policy about pets and yes I see he is a service dog, but we can not have him upsetting the customers or disrupting the store.”

BOY: SHUT UP DOODLE…OH I GOTTA STOP SAYING THAT.

GIRL: Sir, I am sorry, yes he is a service dog and I just think this stuff is giving him a fright.

ME: Bark, BARK

BOY: SHUT UP DOODLE…OH I GOTTA STOP SAYING THAT

ME: BARK BARK….what the heck is wrong with these people. These things are gonna kill them.

BOY: SHUT UP…..OH I GOTTA STOP SAYING THAT

MANAGER: OK, ma’am you need to get them both under control. I understand so can I help with anything?

GIRL: No thank you . Doodle come on let’s go, Boy stop saying that.

ME: Alright, we made it by those monsters.

BOY: Phew that was horrible.

GIRL: Yes, it was.

BOY: Doodle when I say no barking you are supposed to ZIP IT. Get it?

ME: If they only knew what I just fought off for them.

GIRL;  is it cocktail time?

The GIRL, the BOY and me moved away from those monsters. I must have scared the crap out of those monsters because they didn’t move. I’m strutting NOW. OH YEAH, whose the KING of DOODLES.

the GIRL quickly got some things for the house and we checked out to head home. Did I do something wrong. What’s a doodle to do?

Be kind support autism peace hugs love a doodle.

 

Autism Movie Lines

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Going out a day with the BOY is sometimes like a burlesque show. I have to put my ear to the ground and take lessons from the BOY. He is as smooth as a slicked back hairdo. HE knows what excerpts to pick up from those thousand of hours of Disney movies. HE knows how to use them and HE uses them.

The BOY watches the same movies over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over……well heck you get it.

I’m like NO..PLEASE I’LL LICK ANYTHING CLEAN FOR YOU ….JUST DON’T PLAY IT AGAIN…….and HE DOES.

So let’s just get it straight a Doodle’s life isn’t all glam. Really, the first time or two it’s OK but seriously do you really think you could hear the same movie over 525 times in …..a flippin’ week. It’s a little like the old Chinese torture. There are times I want to pull my fur out one by one.

Doodle back on point.

Yeah right, using the lines in the right place.

The BOY at the grocery store as the girl shoves the food through the scanner and over to be bagged. She rarely looks up, only for a moment to say hello and then immediately back to the scanning, but the BOY is SLICK. You know he chases name tags, faster than I can chase my tail, so the grocery line goes something like this:

BOY: “Oh Sandy is that you?”

Sandy: “Yes,” (very hesitantly) Sandy continues to scan, no emotion at all on her face, she doesn’t even smile at me and hey I am a chic magnet but nothing so that is when the BOY steps up his game.

BOY: “Sandy, you’re looking marvelous today…is that a new haircut?” (from Monsters Inc)

SANDY: looks up with a little blush on her cheeks…”Oh…my how did you know…thank you so much.”

BOY: “Oh yeah Sandy you look marvelous.”

SANDY: Now very happy that someone paid her a compliment. “Well, what’s your name?”

BOY: “I’m the BOY and this the Doodle.

SANDY” “Well the BOY it’s so nice to meet you and your Doodle is handsome.”

BOY: “oh yeah, (we are bagged up and paid) well I gotta go. See ya Sandy.”

Sandy is still smiling as we walk away with BOY pushing the cart.

In a restaurant it could go like this:

BOY: “Julie (the waitress, as you know we know all the servers names in every pizza restaurant near our home cause we ONLY EAT PIZZA for lunch) you have beautiful eyelashes (from Hercules said to Meg).”

JULIE: blushing….”Why thank you.”

BOY: “Oh Julie you are so beautiful.”

I’m thinking BOY, can you tell her she can pet me. She is a beauty.

JULIE: “So BOY (the servers ALL know us too) how is your day going.”

BOY: “Oh, nothing.”

The BOY has a ton of these lines and the strangest thing is that even though communication is one of his weakest links, he knows how and when to use these lines. They still work on the GIRL when she puts on a new outfit and he says, “Well if you ask my opinion, that dress is rather slimming on you.” (Tarzan) Yeah, the GIRL likes it, even if the dress is 2 sizes to small.

Sometimes the BOY will say things like this to the Ugleest girl I’ve ever seen. I’m like BOY don’t tell her she’s beautiful and before I know it he reads that name tag and blurts it out, and then I see the strangest thing happen. The Uglee girl lifts her head high and graciously thanks him for his kindness and BOUYA the BOY has a new friend and made a change in someone’s day.

So what’s a Doodle’s point. KINDNESS. The BOY has KINDNESS, something we all need. He doesn’t look at people as short, fat, skinny, old, ugly, beautiful, smart or dumb. People are all the same to him and he is KIND. We all need to try some kindness. It makes every one feel warm an’ fuzzy inside, and shouldn’t everyone at sometime, somewhere have that feeling?

Tell the G-D damn stroller pushing people at Disney this. SPREAD THE KINDNESS!

Peace hugs love a doodle that supports autism.

Shopping with Autism

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The GIRL likes to shop. I don’t really mind it and funny thing is the BOY actually enjoys it. I actually think it’s good for him because he gets to work on his social skills, something most individuals with autism have difficulty with.

Well this shopping trip wasn’t my idea today but the GIRL needed to get something. Oh, I loaded happily into the car and the BOY climbed in right along side of her jabbering away about the circus. Today his subject was all about Alexander Lacey, the lion tamer, from Ringling Bros Circus. I swear if I ever meet Alexander Lacey I am going to bite him so hard. I HATE THIS GUY. I’ve never met him BUT I HATE HIM. I HEAR ABOUT HIM ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT NOT JUST TODAY BUT ALL THE TIME.   Let me repeat that I HATE ALEXANDER LACEY. On any given day when the BOY is stuck on him I will hear his name probably 6,567 times and I don’t think that is an exaggerated number. OK, well maybe a dog-bit, but it’s dog-gone close. The GIRL found a way to deal with it because when they finally arrived at the circus and SHE saw Alexander Lacey, she thought to herself well he’s rather handsome, so now every time the BOY says his name she thinks of handsome. THAT DOESN’T WORK FOR A DOODLE. I’m gonna rip the stuffing out of that guy.

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There were so many things at the store that I was interested in today. Those little stuffed furry things are almost irresistible for me. I just always have to put my nose on one or two in the store. The GIRL always corrects me. I just LOVE the stores that put them low and the GIRL gets busy looking at something. I just put my nose in them and give them little bites, looking for one to make a noise. No I don’t leave dog snot. I’m not that kinda of DOG.

The BOY is busy reading everyone’s names tag.

Major Doodle discovery here: most people who wear nametags forget they have them on and the BOY gets them every time.

HE immediately picks up on the name and so it goes:

BOY: “Oh Nancy is that REALLY you?”

Nancy: “YYYEEESS, (with great hesitation) do I know you?”

BOY: “I don’t know”

Nancy: “Where do I know you from? You look really familiar.”

BOY: “I don’t know.”

NANCY: “hmmm I just don’t remember”

BOY: “never mind.”

Nancy: VERY CONFUSED

BOY: “Nancy, you have beautiful eyelashes.”

Nancy: “OHHH (flustered) well thank you.” I just can’t remember where I know you from.

BOY: “never mind”

GIRL: Smiles inside…..thinking….. HELLLLOOO Nancy your name tag is on

DOODLE: The BOY is SMOOTH

DOODLE: I must learn to be that way.

Today, the GIRL was looking for something special and she had to ask the salesclerk (Nancy) to help her find it.

Nancy asked the GIRL and BOY to follow her.

She was still trying to remember where she knew the BOY from and the BOY was back to rambling on about ALEXANDER LACEY, and mom was snickering inside,

and then I SAW IT.

It was RIGHT THERE.

Right in my FACE. Well Almost. It was furry, fluffy and moved. I couldn’t help it. It was the Doodle voice in my head or maybe Alexander Lacey that made me do it.

It was a feather duster tied to her belt bouncing right off her ‘tuches’*. It went, bounce, fluff, bounce, fluff and it was like saying, “Doodle, bite me.” “COME ON DOODLE BITE ME”

SO……………….. I DID.

I just went YAP right at that fluffy, furry, bouncy thing on Nancy who couldn’t remember where she met the BOY.

Nancy was oblivious, after all it was behind her.

The GIRL is fast, must be from being around the BOY for so long. She jerked me so fast that I never got my teeth on it and Nancy still didn’t know a thing.

The BOY would have gotten it. HE is SMOOTH. I need to learn to be more like the BOY.  So this is my story and I’m sticking to it AUTISM MADE ME DO IT.

Remember: Be Kind….Support Autism…Peace Hugs Love a Doodle

 

*backside,ass